I'm so Tired

Currently we have a customer who is in a major Turn Around. Basic meaning; a refinery is replacing massive amounts of equipment... And what kind of business do I work in? Only the kind that SELLS it... So I'm working 12 hour minimum days... yaye for me.... :/ And to top it all off, I'm working the first shift of the "on call"... even more exciting isn't it...

Anyway, I'm very excited about going on my vacation to Portland, OR a week from Friday. I can't believe it's FINALLY HERE! I think I'm gonna scream come Oct. 8th. Just the thought of knowing I won't be going to work and dealing with everything is definitely going to be a huge bonus.

It's been a while

It's been a long time since I've post on here. My mother died of a heart attack in May 2008 unexpededly. Of course when someone dies you don't ever think about them being gone. I miss her everyday, her smile, her laugh. It is very frustrating when people say "I know how you feel". Bull crap. If you've lost a parent, then yes... you know how it feels. It's a terrible feeling to know everyday I wake up I'll never hear her again. I miss you mom.

Fun Evening

You may have heard of them before; a gathering of people with 1 common interest, and tonight I went to one. The soul purpose of the formation of this group was Harry Potter, though that isn't all the group discusses. It is merely a common interest as I have said. Tonight we talked about so much more. I never realized how much I could have in common with total strangers. Luckily for me Josh was there; the boyfriend of our greatful hostes, so I had another guy to chat with. Anyway, we talked about anything and everything we could ranging from Politics to things our pets do... Anyway, it was a great night and I hope we all become great friends.

What the Crap?

Ok so I met the guy named Rich a while back. He seemed like a quiet gay fellow; you know the "not fighting the gay fight on my watch" kind of guy. Tonight I asked him what he was looking for because he has asked me over to his house numerous times, wanted me to go do things with him, which we both felt were basically dates. Well now he tells me that he doesn't want anything that has to do with a relationship, that he's a loaner and has always been that way. He said "I don't want anything that resembles a relationship because to guys like us it's just 'SILLY'." Then I quickly replied that even friends have relationships with one another otherwise there'd be no friendship. He replied that it's one person putting up with another persons crap, agreeing to agree or disagree. I tell you after tonight, this guy needs to be studied. I can't believe this crap! He's led me on for over two months and then treats me this way. I mean don't get me wrong, this is the answer that I've been looking for; whether there will be anything between us or not. I REALLY got my answer tonight. He was so... seditious about... us. He's so melancholy about life. He just wants to sit at home and read his books and have nothing to do with anyone but is avidly looking for someone to have a special "friendship" with. I'll TRY to be friends with this man but I am no longer going to see what happens between us.

Feelings from the Heart

So tonight I heard from Ben in Indiana. He basically told me that he wasn't going to give us a chance because he wouldn't like the distance. Because I'm living in Arkansas I will never be able to find anyone to date and be happy with. Everytime I've met someone from AR they basically don't know or understand how life, money, and relationships work. They would rather live vicariously through other people instead of having their own lives. I'm sick to death of it! I'm about ready to just scream my head off! Maybe in order for me to understand why I'm alone, I should take this time to look at my life.
This is what Ben told me. Basically "I want to meet you but also am scared to meet you because if we meet and I like you the distance will bother me. If I meet you and we don't get along, then it doesn't matter. We can be friends. Because my heart isn't in this, I've been meeting other people in Indy. I've met someone that actually reminds me a little of you and am enjoying talking with them." SO BASICALLY he led me on. My heart hurts because I was giving all my feelings to someone who didn't give a shit about me. I don't know whether to be happy that he's not interested or realize that I got too attached before we even met. I guess I'm just a stupid Arkansas 28 year old boy that doesn't know anything... why can't I be happy with someone? Why must I always wear my heart on my sleeves only to get ripped apart and trampled over... Life sucks!

Sometimes I just want to AHHHHHH

So I was supposed to go to Indianapolis to see Ben over spring break but instead he got sent to Boston for work and I had to stay here. I changed all my plans to go see everyone to be able to do this. It's not his fault. These things happen. I'm just more upset about being at home alone... again than anything else. I want someone to love so much. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I were straight... I might as well get ready to live a single life. At least I have my 2 dogs that love me.

SO MAD!

When Jessica and I moved into our duplex back at the beginning of April 2006, there was a car parked 10 feet from the curb to our house in the street. The car is still parked there to this day and has never moved. Ira, the owner of the car came over today and started complaining that I had called the city to get the car towed. He then started complaining more and got louder and louder with me, he pravoked me into yelling back at him so that he would actually listen to me. He never listens to anyone; EVER. So after I got so mad and was screaming like a stupid child, I went inside and slammed the door. Jessica called the police, the police officer came out, wrote up the harrasment stuff and called about getting the car towed because it in fact had been sitting there for almost 2 years; not moved, never driven. There's more to the story but I'm so mad still I don't want to write anymore. Interested in knowing more, feel free to call me.

Gift and Christmas List

Gift
So yesterday I bought the TV. I decided I needed to do something for myself. So as I sit in front of my tv, I still wonder if I made the right decision. My mother was happy to hear that I had gotten myself something.

Christmas List
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Why not both? Bags for those odd shaped gifts and paper for everything else. Isn't that why we have tissue paper, to put with clothes are bags?

2. Real tree or artificial? Love real trees, but am environmentally friendly so I want to enjoy the tree for the rest of my life... so I have a fake one. Bought a new one this year too.

3. When do you put up the tree? Middle of October

4. When do you take the tree down? Sometime around the first week of January.

5. Do you like eggnog ? LOVE it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Mickey Mouse phone from Mamaw and Papaw Baker

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for? My parents.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Is there such a person?

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? UHMmm.. HELLO Mail Christmas Cards!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Have never received a bad one before I don't think.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I start sometime around September 15th or so.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? NO, it's tacky.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Ham, Stuffing, and Pumpkin Pie

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "I'll be Home for Christmas" or "Grown-up Christmas List"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel (walmart special)

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? People forgetting what the season is actually about. The gift of life, love, and happiness thanks to God and Jesus.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Green tree obviously, red and silver

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Don't have one.

25. Do you have Jesus in your heart this Christmas? Yes, and have had for many years now.... many MANY years.

26. What do you want for Christmas this year? My family to love me, understand that I'm not a monster out to wreck anyone's homelife, that I'm a living, loving, breathing human being just as they are who want the same asperations in life as anyone else; to find love and happiness.