What is one to do?

My heart aches. I feel as if there is something missing from my life. Am I gay, am I straight, who knows; but one. This feeling of emptiness I have inside, will it ever go away? This feeling of wishing I had someone to love. What makes this pain bearable? I hope I find a love of passion in my school work this fall. I need a hug. I need some form of physical contact. Receiving the brush off from close friends, what am I to do? Do “they” not accept me for me or do they feel threatened by my presence? Sometimes even tears showering down my face can not ease this pain I feel inside. I want everyone to feel comfortable around me with the decision I have made. But instead I feel I’ve made a decision which will cause everyone to turn away from me. Instead of feeling happy and generous, I feel alone and lackluster.
Do you ever look for beauty when you are sad? Do you ever look for happiness when times are hard? Do you search for friendship when you’re at your lowest? I feel I’ve let my friends down because I only call them when I need someone. Living alone has been wonderful but in the same sense, it has caused me to realize I am alone, no one to talk to, and no one to spend time with. I feel alone.