Can We Say Sporadic Thoughts?

As I sit listening to Vivaldi played on Cello, I take time to reflect on decisions I've made over the last year. My grandmothers death hasn't come to an end in my mind. After being accepted to the National Deans List, I picked up the phone with great joy to call my grandparents and tell them the news only to drop the phone on the floor and begin to cry. I realized the one who I had found job in sharing my experiences with my music and school was gone. Oddly enough I knew what she would say. I could hear the joy from her voice in my head. With every breath I took I knew she was gone. Knowing I have to continue my life knowing I will see her again some day gives me a sense of worth to continue throughout my day.
Between loosing Elizabeth, Susan, Mark, and a few other friends, my roommates going through things that I can not help, realizing I have to give them space to be able to work through the things they have to fix for themselves. I can no longer try to help anyone else if I can't fix my own problems. I can only try my best to help me. I want to be able to sit and discuss the things that weight heavy on my heart. I know in time I will be able to get everything out in the open. In time.