Tonight my roommate told myself and my other roommate he was moving out. I have to admit I knew he was doing this, but would never accept it until I heard it from his lips. He has been the most helpful in helping me FIND ME. He has been supportive, understanding, a brother, and a mentor. Even though he may be 19 years old, he is more responsible than most people I know. He is a strong man who has a wonderful heart for his fellow brothers and his family. Much like myself we both value our brothers, friends, and family. Although he is staying in town and moving only an exit down the interstate, I feel I am loosing my best friend and the biological younger brother I never had. He said he is staying until the first of August. I know this is something he has to do for himself. I hate loosing friends. I know I know I'm not loosing him. He is staying in Fayetteville, but choosing to do what he needs to do with his life to continue what's best for him. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get over this in only two months. He has lost weight because he's felt bad about moving out. If it were me, I would have done the same thing. And if that's the case then why is it so hard for me to get through this?
While we sat outside, I listened to my roommates talk about things and how this wasn't going to affect our friendship or brotherhood within the fraternity. I looked up to the sky and saw beautiful stars shining down on us with gliding clouds moving silently through the air. Such a perfect night and yet so much pain within. I have mixed feelings about how this will affect the house, but something tells me everything will work out for the best. I love my roommates and would do anything for them. They only need to ask and I will do my best. Tonight was the first I've ever seen all of us cry. It was an experience I will never forget. We bonded tonight and that is what will get me through this. Knowing that some day when we are all old and grey, I will be able to look back on these memories we've shared together and smile. Then I'll be able to die a happy man. Some day, somewhere, I'll think back to the time when we sat on that back porch and cried together telling one another everything will be ok. I love you guys more than you'll ever know. You've meant the world to me. I look up to you everyday. I wake up thinking about you both and wonder if you slept ok the night before. I ask myself is there something that I would be able to help them with today. I have always been a care giver. I always have to be someone who will be there for my friends. I have to. I have to try to make the pain a little easier for them for whatever they are going through. I only wish now the table was turned and I didn't have to be the strong person. I know it sounds selfish, but after loosing Elizabeth, my ex-girlfriend Trish's grandfather getting cancer, everything that's going on with my friend Courtney being back in town, Jeremy's family situations, and now this? I can't handle this alone. And I do feel alone. I feel like I have to walk at night down a lonely road with no lights and no guiding source to help me along the way. Give me strength.